Well THAT didn’t go as we all planned!

It’s just another indication that the stock market is a risk.  Have I lost over $100,000 in the last two weeks?  Yes.  Do I still believe in the end game?  Yes.

I’m a man and I’m willing to admit my mistakes—a few of them stemmed solely from the Facebook $FB IPO.  I genuinely thought (and still think) that Facebook is a great stock to own.  I knew there were a ton of shares out there, and I didn’t even balk when they unleashed 25% more to the public earlier this week.  Because I still believed the DEMAND was there.  I believed that if someone wanted 5,000 shares of the stock that they’d have to put in an order for 50,000 shares just to get that original 5,000.  I was wrong there.  Those traders who put in those fantastical demands ended up getting what they asked for—and then they unloaded them, which dragged the price down like some demon-claw from hell.

TDAmeritrade froze on me and locked me out of my secondary market purchase—a blessing in disguise.  As the time went on for Facebook to begin on NASDAQ (and on, and on, and on), reports came in that our chance to start buying would come at $42-$44 on the secondary market, a small percentage above the $38 IPO price.  I was ready to pay $50 per share, and you can trace my love for Facebook back on a prior post.  I think it has staying power.  I think it’s a great marketing tool.  I think they make a ton of money, and I think that no other medium (Facebook is a medium in itself, after all), can reach the millions and millions of people that Facebook can.

So we were all looking for a changeup, but got a curveball.  And when the pitch came, we didn’t hit a home run—we got a single (nay, a bunt single).  But as the price dribbled down towards the end of the day, I bought more.  I bought at $41.50, I bought at $40.25, and I bought my largest holdings at $38.75.  Why?  Because it’s what everyone is talking about.  People who have never dabbled in the stock market opened accounts to buy a piece of Facebook.  The people who did that…they’re from the old school.  They’re the holders—not these idiosyncratic flippers.  Experts today tout that ‘buy and hold is dead.’  And it very well may be amongst stock market vets.  But these guys who signed up for new accounts, funded them, and have hidden away since they lost tons in 2008/2009 aren’t the veterans…they’re the old school.  They’re going to hold onto their shares.

Remember, Google $GOOG opened at $85 and closed at $100.34 on the first day.  Though a lot of time has passed, Google at one point kissed $800.  That’s a hell of a jump for not a lot of gusto on their opening day.

When you see more about Facebook than you see boobs on Game of Thrones, you know you have something.  Europe has DESTROYED my portfolio.  When Las Vegas Sands $LVS (my core position) drops from $62 to $47 solely because of Europe, you know that things are sucking.  The only thing that keeps me holding on and full of hope is that I know I invest in what I use and what I know.  Las Vegas Sands, Facebook, Home Depot $HD…none of them have done anything to deserve this plummet—they are still strong.  The United States is strong.  We are out of our recession and one day (hopefully soon), we’ll get back on track.

You don’t lose money until you sell at a loss.  If you bought Facebook today, hold it.  Use the site (you already are!), click on the ads, and wait.  All good things come to those who wait.

I’ve said all I have to say about Facebook for now.  My next post will resume on stalwart companies that I think you stand a great chance to buy on sale while this Europe fiasco trudges on.

We’ve known each other for a little while now, right?  I know you’re a noob investor and you know that I’m a successful investor/gywamamillionaire.  I’ve told you over the last month or so how I think you should invest, how I invest, and how I have a hope for our country as a whole.  I’ve recommended stocks and told you what to stay away from.  But Cash-ists, today is the day I get a little ‘fatherly’ on you.  Today is the day I bring down the iron hammer.

I AM A FAN OF BIG BANKS AND THEIR BUSINESS MODELS.

I said it.  Quote me on it.  The old rich curmudgeon Cash Bauer just said he likes big banks.  If you’re an occupier or a naysayer, then unleash your rage.  If you think $JPM stands for ‘just phucked me’ then let me have it.  But it’s one thing to be angry with banks for making lots of money.  It’s another thing to understand why you’re angry.

Now, I don’t know if you’re part of the ‘entitled generation.’ (more on YOU later).  But let me lay out for you how big banks (JPMorgan $JPM, Bank of America $BAC, and Wells Fargo $WFC) make their money.

If you RISK something, there ought to be a REWARD.  If you are a middle-class American, making medium to subpar wages, and you want to own a home for your family but can’t afford the price, the banks will look at how you have repaid your debts in the past.  If you are anything but stellar, they’ll charge you interest to loan you THEIR money.  This is YOUR choice to buy the home and you sign a poop-ton of paperwork acknowledging that you understand the task you are taking on.  If you are a stranger and you want to borrow ANYTHING from me (and you are not a personal friend or escort), then I’m going to want something in return.  I have to have a little ante to make sure that the investment I’m making is worth my risk.  Is the juice worth the squeeze?

The Occupy Wall Street (Occupy Dallas, Occupy Hoboken, Occupy Bangor) movement is a joke.  These people are upset at the wrong people.  You can’t fault a bank (nay, company) for trying to make money.  You can’t fault them for dishing out bonuses, when they are succeeding in what they are doing.  If you really want to punish these guys, RENT.  Don’t buy a home!  Don’t ask them for mortgage help!  Don’t sign the paperwork that puts all of the risk on them!

A strong portion of why we are in this predicament, is because the banks loaned to homebuyers who couldn’t pay back what they promised.  They reneged on their promise.  Their eyes were way too big for their tummies and they bought beyond their means.  I’m not saying the banks weren’t greedy.  But they were at a losing crossroads—if they didn’t loan to a family, they were the bad guys.  If they did loan to them, and they defaulted, the banks were the bad guys.

I have a son who worked for the REAL bad guys—Home123, New Century, Countrywide, etc.  Those companies were predators on the middle to lower classes (the credit scores 550 and under).  Those companies charged outrageous fees (and justified it with the risk argument) and outrageous rates.  But karma is a Cash Bauer ex-wife (a bitch), and they are all out of business now.

We live in America and we are free.  If you don’t like charges for your checking account, go to one of those small local banks.  If you don’t like the interest rates, learn to pay your bills, live within your means, and improve your credit score.  But you cannot EVER fault a legitimate company for wanting to make money.  If you want someone to shoulder your RISK, you have to be willing to pay them a REWARD.

If you borrow $1 from Cash Bauer today, you’re either paying me $1.25 tomorrow or sending me nudey pix (if you’re a girl).  There’s a yin to the yang, entitled generation—you don’t deserve ANYTHING just because you exist on earth.  Don’t borrow what you can’t pay back with some interest.

I’m a buyer of JPMorgan $JPM on any more pullbacks, and a constant buyer of Bank of America $BAC at anything under $7.25.

I think this is going to be quite the tumultuous week.  But as I’ve said in the past, if you already have your stocks and you believe in America, then hold, hold, hold.  You don’t lose that money until you sell.  If you have cash on hand and feel like getting some bargains (and gambling a little bit), then this is your time.

So on with our healthy stocks!  The following stock recently went public in the last six months, and I currently look at it as a strong growth stock BUY, especially with a pullback.  Remember, the market is pulling back because of Europe—NOT because this stock has faltered or shown any sign of a weakness.

Parents (at least ones who love their children and don’t live on welfare) do not skimp on their kids, especially in their formative years.  They buy the best formula.  They buy special water and detergents.  They buy organic.  And that’s where Annie’s $BNNY comes into play.  We immediately associate ‘organic’ with healthy, and Annie’s has capitalized on that notion.

I’ve bought my youngest kiddos Annie’s long before they IPO’d at $19 (currently around $40).  The company offers a higher priced assortment of snacks, pastas, granola bars, and cereals that are amazingly delicious.  Even your old buddy Cash has been known to thrown down a box or two of bunny cookies on some lonely nights (priced around $4.50-$5.00 a box).

Annie’s is currently surging and they’re just getting started.  As I fan through my junk mail, I find coupons and see ads for Annie’s.  Target $TGT let me know that Annie’s products were on sale last week and even gave me $.75 off a box.  When I browsed through a local Whole Foods $WFM, Annie’s dominated 2 end caps in prime positions (and one end cap at Target).  That’s precious and valuable grocery store real estate.  Just the logo alone leads my toddler to scream and demand “BUNNY COOKIES.”  When a 2-year old is picking up on brand recognition, you know a company is doing something right.

I think that Annie’s is just getting started.  Even through last week’s disastrous stock plummet, Annie’s somehow gained $2 into the green (somehow = it’s a successful growth stock).  I’m a buyer.  But before you buy, do what Cash always tells you to do—go to Target (since I own stock in them), buy a $4.50 box of chocolate bunny cookies, and chow down.  What do you think?

So I’ve already told you I’m a buyer of Annie’s products, and I told you I’m about to be a buyer of their stock.  But just to double check as to how much Annie’s my household goes through, I went and checked the cabinets that Lupita stocks.  I think this picture explains it all:

P.S!  I’m still on board with the Facebook $FB IPO.  But I’m also concerned some of my readers may get to the party a little late.  I’m gambling on Zynga $ZNGA this week.  Please note, I bought a quick $1,000 worth and plan to sell sometime on Friday afternoon.  Let me stress again:  this is a GAMBLE.  I don’t necessarily believe in the Zynga company, though I do play most of their games (and have purchased the full versions as opposed to the free ones).  As proven by tons of other articles out there, I think Facebook is going to lift the whole market—especially those companies that have a direct connection to them, such as Zynga.  So sure, I bought $1,000 worth at around $7.60/share.  It’s no different than heading to Vegas (preferably a $WYNN or Las Vegas Sands $LVS owned casino since I own those too!) and betting on black.

I am not one who you would describe as “in shape.”  I don’t “exercise.”  I drink a lot.  The only way I eat “healthy” is if one of my chefs substitutes in some components that I’m not aware of, and the last time I saw Little Cash over my wine gut was in the summer of ’06.

Wealthy America keeps our country running.  Most of us (present company excluded) take IMMENSE care of their bodies.  They spend more on healthy food (gluten-free, sugar-free, organic) and they don’t whine and moan about it.  They understand that to live longer and live healthier requires spending a little more in order to keep their bodies a well-oiled machine.

All of the stocks in these upcoming few blogs fall under my “GROWTH” slice of the Cash Pie.  These are companies that have already expanded, and if you buy them, you believe they will continue to expand.  Let me get one thing straight with you:  INVEST IN WHAT YOU USE.  This is how ole Cash Bauer is a little different from everyone else (i.e. see my first post).  For instance, if I need to buy a washer and dryer for my maids in the west wing of the house, I’m buying a General Electric $GE brand at a Home Depot $HD.  Double whammy.  If I am constantly chomping down on wasabi covered peas and fresh salmon, I’m buying them from Whole Foods $WFM.

Ahhhh Whole Foods.  The inside joke is that you spend your ‘whole’ paycheck on 2 weeks of groceries here.  And it’s true.  If I want to have the chef prepare a nice and healthy meal, there’s no crap for him to buy.  There’s no ‘Dr. Thunder’ in lieu of Dr. Pepper $DPS.  The aisles are lined with soccer moms in Lululemon $LULU yoga pants.  If you sit down for an hour or so (any time of the day) and just stare (at the crowds, the quantity of groceries being sold, AND those yoga pants) you’ll see that Whole Foods is a way of life for a lot of people.  Once you give it a try, for the most part, you don’t go back to being unhealthy.  You become committed.  It’s the same rationale with all of these healthy prepared meal stores popping up, like My Fit Foods and their knock-offs.  People will spend more and go out of their way to live healthier.

Jimmy C (@jimcramer) isn’t too much of a fan of grocery store stocks either, but he recently touted Roundy’s $RNDY on his show.  Other competitors in the same space here are Kroger $KR (which I talked about last week and still like), Safeway $SWY, and Supervalu $SVU, but these are just regular grocery stores.  They don’t focus on healthier and pricier items (and higher profits).

But again, focus on the theme of this article:  Whole Foods is a GROWTH stock (see the constant upward trend in the chart below from two years back).  It’s not a stalwart, slow moving giant like Wal-Mart $WMT.  When these growth stocks jump, they jump and run, and when they fall, they plummet.  Whole Foods is constantly expanding into newer markets and smartly growing their business.  I initially owned Whole Foods at around $50 and sold around $70.  Now the stock today is about $88.10.  How much further can it go?

Of all the grocery stores that are publicly traded, I see lonely Kroger making the push to clean up and brighten their stores and selling higher end healthy options, like Whole Foods.  Kroger’s ‘signature’ stores are popping up in rich suburbs and are catering to their rich clientele.  I’m a strong buyer for Kroger and I’m going to let Whole Foods sell off a little more before jumping in.  I’ve see a whole lot more Kroger signature stores popping up in my area than I have Whole Foods.

Know what you’re investing for.  If you’ve endured the May sell-off thus far, hold the reigns for a few more months.  Realize we may have a ways down to go.  Europe and her problems aren’t going anywhere any time soon.  But know that after one more day of losses, I plan to start scooping up many of the stocks I’ve talked about and have a HEALTHY appetite about it.  See you later this week when we discuss General Nutrition Centers $GNC !

Welcome to May!  As you can see, I’ve been renewed for another month to provide you with unmatched research and knowledge in today’s financial world, and so your loyal liege Cash Bauer has returned once more.  Let’s get you at the money.

There’s been a lot of negativity and sheer bearishness about the impending Facebook IPO.  Today we were told it will open anywhere from $28-$35.  But Joe Public (you!) isn’t allowed to buy it at that price.  You have to sit and wait while us fatty fat fat pigs gobble the stock up at that price, while you sit and wait.  By the time Facebook $FB hits your market, some wonder if it will be too late (I’m looking at YOU Jim Cramer @jimcramer).  I’m going to be bold here and you can be with me or against me.  I’m not going to give you a flaky answer and flip-flop to and fro on my decision.  I think by the time Facebook is available for you to buy, it will be easily over $50 and probably closer to $65.  I think you buy it.  I really do.  The pros and the bears talk a mean game and initially had even me waver about buying it in the secondary market.  Before I tell you why I think we buy it, let’s focus on the recent Internet IPOs and their original prices (that YOU aren’t allowed to buy), and then what they opened on the secondary market (where you CAN buy them).

$YELP (Yelp):  IPO at $15, available to you at ~$23
$GRPN (Groupon):  IPO at $20, available to you at ~$28
$LNKD (LinkedIn):  IPO at $45, available to you at ~$90
$Z (Zillow):  IPO at $20, available to you at ~$32
$P (Pandora):  IPO at $16, available to you at ~$23
$ZNGA (Zynga):  IPO at $10, available to you at ~$10

Now let’s look at these Internet stocks TODAY (May 3, 2012) in relation to where you could have first bought it:

Yelp:  $20.64 (Down 8.9%)
Groupon:  $10.31  (Down 36.8%)
LinkedIn:  $109.41  (Up 12.1%)
Zillow:  $40.40  (Up 7.9%)
Pandora:  $8.62  (Down 37%)
Zynga:  $8.65  (Down 8.6%)

That’s 4 downs and 2 ups.  Some of these stocks are broken (and already were broken when they came out) and some are genuine gamechangers ($YELP and $LNKD).  The closest one to Facebook is easily LinkedIn (even touted as the Facebook for professionals).

But guys, nothing in our lifetimes (short of the Internet itself) has revolutionized our planet like Facebook has.  I don’t need to tell you this—you’re on it.  Your kids are on it.  And your grandmother (who freaks out at the site of technology like a Kindle) is on it.  We are on Facebook 5-6 times a day.  Sure we see those occasional rogues who pronounce they’re done with the whole thing (few and far between).  But no other market has such a captive and shackled fan base.  No other advertiser can reach so many people with just one click (money in Zuckerberg’s pocket) like Facebook can sell you.  I’m buying it early, and I’m buying it late.  This is what I’ve built my cash pile for.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Facebook is not AOL or MySpace…not yet, anyway.  If you can make a quick 10-30% off of this IPO in the next 6 months, consider it a giant victory.  At Chase Bank RIGHT NOW ($JPM), they’ll give you 2% for a 5 year CD or 0.04% for a 12-month CD.  Do you want 2% over the course of 5 years, OR MORE RIGHT NOW?!

Cash Bauer says BUY Facebook to get at the money.  Let me also give you one of my trademark signatures, “DON’T BE A PIGGY.”  Know when you’ve won, and take some profits off of the table.  Don’t freak out if there’s a dip or the stock sways.  We all use Facebook.  We all read Facebook. Facebook is the lifeblood of our current generation.  Many investors will be rich off of this IPO.  Let them get richer…but for the rest of us (YOU GUYS, not me), let’s settle for a profit.

In homage, I just created a Facebook page for me.  So now you can like me on there too

Facebook.com/CashBauer

After a well deserved relaxing weekend at my mansion (post my buddy’s breast-laden bachelor’s party), it’s back to work bright and early!  I know you probably want details (no we didn’t go to publicly held Rick’s Cabaret $RICK), but here’s what you should know about the nudey bars:  I was very popular.  I received a lot of attention.  Girls of all shapes and ethnicities really enjoyed sitting down next to me, rubbing my bald head, and listen to me talk incessantly about fiscal markets and dividends (partially because I still get nervous around really beautiful young buxom and naked women who keep asking me for dances).  In the end, a girl named Aurora kind of fell for me and told me she’d love to attend an upcoming shareholder meeting I have to attend in Chicago, and that she’d cut me a break on the ‘overnight fee,’ whatever that is.  NOW LET’S GET AT THE MONEY!

Right now, right this minute, figure out your investment strategy.  If you’re a buy and holder, then you may want to walk away from the market for the next few months.  If you’re a short-termer, you may want to clear some of your profits off the table.  And if you have some cash (remember, Cash IS king), then you may want to keep your eyes open for some amazing deals in the next month or so.  May is typically when Wall Street puts everything on sale– hence the verbiage, “sell in May, and go away!”  If you DO decide to sell and take some profits, then go and PAY off current debts…an extra payment on your car or house, or high interest credit cards.  So if you sell in MAY, then your debts you must PAY!

Instead of a company profile to start off the week, I thought we’d look at a few stocks on my radar for the upcoming month:

Staples $SPLS—great article on Fast Money (brought up after Amazon’s $AMZN) amazing quarter about how Staples is the second largest online retailer.  I plan to visit some stores in the next few weeks and do a little research to see how it’s looking.  Currently around $15.50

Kroger $KR—they’re popping up left and right in wealthy neighborhoods (like mine!)  They’re clean and packed with customers and definitely cater to the middle-class and up who don’t care about value as much as the serfs.   Good dividend and I might put the money from Wal-Mart $WMT that I had to bail on with their recent sell-off and scandal.  Kroger looks like a good one to add to my STALWART BEASTS Cash Pie.  Currently around $23 with a great reinvesting dividend.

Caterpillar $CAT—speaking of Stalwart Beasts, if Caterpillar dips below $100, it leaps to the front of my portfolio.  Juicy, juicy dividend and great long term potential.  Currently at $104.

Skullcandy $SKUL—for each Stalwart Beast I have in the Pie, I like to have some risk!  I thought Skullcandy had made its run and was done (especially after I interviewed a lot of teen boys at the local school)…That didn’t sound right.  The stock!  The stock though looks good—celebrity endorsements, great product and new lines, and I hear from a birdy they’re aggressively hiring.  Currently around $15 (if the market takes a step back, I’m definitely in at under $13.50)

Las Vegas Sands $LVS—I thought $LVS was on sale at anything under $60, and I have consistently bought with each dollar it’s dropped.  This is a $65 stock.  You may just have to wait until after the summer to see it.

Starbucks $SBUX—Sure it plummeted Friday afternoon, but this is a growth stock.  Once everyone realizes that the price of coffee beans is set to consistently drop in the next few quarters, then everyone will realize that’s pure profit without Starbucks doing anything differently (even though they will keep improving and advancing—that’s what growth stocks do).

Barnes and Noble $BKS—if you even consider this dinosaur and dying showroom floor for Amazon, just stop reading this right now and unsubscribe from me.  No value.  Overpriced.  Too many box stores exist.  The Kindle will trump the Nook, even with Microsoft $MSFT stepping in.  BLEGH.

I’ll leave you with a tantalizing shot of me just chillaxing in one of my many vehicles.  See you at the money, Cash-ists!

Before launching into my genius for the day, let’s focus on a quick tidbit that should be common sense…if you are investing and gambling in the stock market, you shouldn’t have an ounce of credit card debt.  The time has come and gone where you can make a quick 20%+ in the market, so why on earth would you allow your credit card company (whether it be Visa $V, Mastercard $MA or American Express $AXP) to consistently charge you 20% in penalties?  You know who does that?  MORONS.  Wanna know how many morons there are out there?  Check out the graphs and charts for Visa and Mastercard’s increasing revenues…

But now let’s get to the gooey chocolaty center of this blog post on two big BUYS concerning the eating habits of Earthlings.  When Dunkin’ Donuts $DNKN IPO’ed back in July of 2011 at $19, most investors chomped it up early and then it marinated for the greater part of the year in the mid-to-high $20’s.  I bought a healthy portion in the IPO, and then I added to my holding around $28.  Here’s why:

America Runs on Dunkin.  Ok, not 100% true—America runs on powdered, tasty, high calorie menu items that can be made for cheap.  But Dunkin didn’t stick to their strategy just to lure in the 300+ lb. club.  They first focused on their coffee.  They went up against every coffee provider (even the big boys, Starbucks $SBUX and McDonald’s $MCD) and they won.  Friend, let me tell you something.  Coffee is cheap.  You can add all of your fancy verbiage like ‘latte,’ ‘foaming,’ or ‘tall/skinny,’ whatever, but at its core, coffee is cheap, cheap, cheap coffee beans (that come from south of the border…which is cheap, cheap, cheap).  With a slight exaggeration, you can make a billion cups of $3 coffee for about a nickel.  Again, that’s slightly exaggerated.

So as the stock ran in place for a while, we all noticed Dunkin Donuts popping up all over town.  The colors of the store were bright and cheery, the interior well-lit (unlike the Dunkins from my youth, with a serial killer flickering light).  They touted new delicious breakfast sandwiches, some of which were even healthy for you.  They changed their image and they did it in a positive, growing way.  That makes the components of what I consider a successful growth stock.

But what stops me dead in my tracks and made me add to my Dunkin position was this article:

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/dunkin-donuts-announces-25-restaurants-133000420.html
DUNKIN’ DONUTS ANNOUNCES 25 NEW RESTAURANTS IN HOUSTON AND SAN ANTONIO

Guys, Dunkin has done their research.  They paired up with Coca-Cola $KO earlier this month.  They’ve upped their advertising and their image.  They plan to expand worldwide.  But when a chain is expanding to 2 of the 10 cities that Men’s Health has named the FATTEST CITIES IN AMERICA (San Antonio #7, Houston #9), I know that they know their business.  I’m a buyer on any pullback, preferably under $29.

But before investing, do a quick bit of research that will cost you under $5 and could save you even more.  Go buy a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts.  Then go buy a cup of coffee at a competitor like Starbucks $SBUX.  Where do you have the better experience?  Both are very solid growth stocks and either will fit snugly in your portfolio (under the Growth piece of Cash Pie).  Starbucks is currently nearly double the price of Dunkin, and both are expanding worldwide.  I happen to own them both at the time of this blog.

Afterthoughts

—If you own any General Electric (as per my last post), tomorrow pays a $.17/share dividend.

— We all held our breath for $AAPL this morning.  As I attempted to burn calories on my treadmill from a Dunkin Donut breakfast sandwich that I sent to Enrique II to fetch (two of my staff are named Enrique), I watched CNBC and the panic as Apple slid lower and lower.  The analysts were freaking out over supposed iPhone sales and that was supposed to be the catalyst for the stock’s recent plummet (from $640 to $560).

I hopped in my Land Rover and drove to the nearest Starbucks.  I watched soccer moms, middle class moms, business men, and kids skipping school.  I watched them as 24 of the 35 people I counted used an Apple device.  In this small, supposed inconsequential Petri dish of an experiment, I saw no slowing down at Apple.  On my way home, the Apple store was packed as usual.

So I grabbed my iPad, logged onto TDAmeritrade, and gambled a quick $10,000.  But was it a gamble?

I bought at $563, told you via Twitter, and waited.  Then Apple blew us out of the water.  Again.

Hope you like green tomorrow morning.  Apple is up a lucky 7.77% in the aftermarket…

DISCLAIMER:  Cash Bauer owns $DNKN, $AAPL, $SBUX, and $GE

I’ve outlined several stocks thus far and several strategies, but one that I plan on rolling out to you in the next few weeks consists of a pie chart of categories (called the Cash Pie) that outlines how I think you should diversify your portfolio, right now, at this moment, heading into mid-2012.  Then I’m going to take THOSE categories and break them down into individual stocks to provide both examples and suggestions.

Everyone’s investing strategy is unique.  A person who is ancient and withered (55+) and nearing the end of their frail and wrinkled lives has a much different strategy than a young, tight skinned, glowing college blonde bombshell.  But the Cash Pie will bond us all together.

So my post today is perfectly timed, as tomorrow on Friday, April 20^th, 2012, General Electric $GE, the mega conglomerate and ‘pseudo-mutual fund that isn’t a mutual fund’ reports their earnings.  Initial reports state that we’re not going to see a home run, but more like a single…or a single who advances to second on an error.  That’s ok by me.  If you invest in GE, you are investing for the long term.  It’s an American company that has been here through thick and thin, and barring absolute zombie apocalypse, will always be here.  In the Cash Pie I mentioned earlier, it falls into the STALWART BEAST category:

STALWART BEAST STOCK:  A solid company that doesn’t plummet nor jump…it lumbers forward.  It has a good dividend (which should be reinvested), which then compounds over and over so that you’re earning dividend value off of previous dividends.  Examples of these Stalwart Beasts:  Wal-Mart $WMT, Target $TGT, Coca-Cola $KO, McDonald’s $MCD, Johnson & Johnson $JNJ, etc.  Most of these are considered blue chippers.

Let’s break this down so that even my dumbest daughter could understand (she’s matriculating at Texas Tech right now if that tells you anything).  Pretend you have 100 shares of General Electric on June 20, 2011 (a record date for the dividend payment) and your assumptions are:  dividend is $.17/share and price is ~$18.00, etc., etc.,

100 shares = June 20, 2011  ($1,800)
100.94 shares=  September 19, 2011  ($1,817)
101.89 shares= December 27, 2011  ($1,834)
102.85 shares=February 27, 2012  ($1,851)

So after less than a year, you have 2.85 FREE shares of $GE, and (in our model) it’s a profit of $51.30—and that’s ignoring its constant upward trend.  Now play this model with 1,000 shares.  Then play it with 10,000.  And I get it…BLEGH, NUMBERS!  But let’s focus on the important part of this example:  FREE MONEY.

It’s the beauty of those Stalwart Beasts.  For the most part (except in dire, dark times), they steadily climb.  After I had started investing in the meat of the recession, I’ll never forget that my 80-year old father-in-law at the time (Herb, Chuck, Doug?) told me, “There will be a time in your future where you will brag to your children that you bought General Electric at $6.00 a share.”  Well, children, I’m bragging.  The stock constantly kisses $20 today, and will one day be back to its prime at $35+.  So now let Uncle Cash tell YOU:  “Son/Daughter…there will be a time where you will brag to your children that you bought General Electric at $20.00 a share.”

Because as long as I’m investing and putting money in the market, I will continue to stock up (ZING!) on General Electric.  I’ll buy it at $10.  I’ll buy it at $20.  You’ll even see old Uncle Cash buying it at $30 and beyond.

Please note that at the time of this article, Scottrade does not offer a DRIP (dividend reinvestment program).  However, TDAmeritrade does.

DISCLAIMER:  Cash Bauer owns a shit-ton of General Electric $GE for the long term.

While I always try to provide you with the absolute best answer for what you should invest in to get at the money, there’s not always a right answer…sometimes there’s two right answers.

The titans of tech!  The masters of the market!  The dominators of the DOW/NASDAQ!   I speak of course of Google $GOOG versus Apple $AAPL, which have both gone down more times this week than a South Dallas prostitute at a closed down car wash.

If you’ve paid any attention to the stock market over the last week, you’ll know that both of these big boys are in the news, and both have absolutely plummeted off of their 52-week highs.  Rest assured that if you’re a long term investor, both of these are AMAZING buys.  The question is just where you can get in to make the most money.

I don’t need to sell you on either one of these beauties.  Do you remember what a cell phone looked like before Steve Jobs and Apple showed you an iPhone?  How about what even your basic computer looked like?  Apple revolutionized these products and will continue to do so.  Read up on your CNBC articles—every single trader thinks the stock will French kiss and make babies with $1,000 in the next five years.  Even your old bald buddy here was spewing that rhetoric when I bought it at $89/shr and again at $139 and $228.  I think NOW is another buying opportunity.  I think Apple will get to $1,000…I honestly do.  My strategy plain and simple is to buy as much as possible under $585 and then sell around $750.  Don’t be a piggy!

Remember, even if you still buy a little high, some of your loss can be compensated with the much talked about Apple dividend coming up.  You just need positions!

You know who LOVES stock splits?  People who don’t know jack about the stock market!!!  That’s fantastic because Google is going to cut itself in half, and those uneducated nimrods are going to pour their money into it, telling themselves it’s on sale.  The public hears the magic word ‘split,’ which is far different than what us traders hear…’dilution.’  Either way, it’s a prime buying opportunity.  My most recent split came from Lululemon $LULU (I love the stock almost as much as I love the tight, tight, tight yoga pants they make…ALMOST) which split 2 for 1 in July of 2011, and now the shares are almost as high as they were pre-split (EXCEPT NOW I OWN TWICE AS MUCH)!  In fact, the only split that hasn’t worked out for me is with my now ex-wife.

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ANYWAY!  If Google dips below $600, I’m in.  And after the split, I’ll wait again until the stock kisses $600 and then sell.  That will happen sometime in the next 5 years.

A previous reader asked me to choose between Google and Apple, and my knee gut reaction said Apple.  The correct answer is that you will succeed either way.  I reread Google’s last earnings, their vision, their numbers, their everything, and I value the company just as much as Apple.  In fact, I give Google the slight (slight, slight, sliiiiiiiiiiight) edge right now solely because of how successful I have been with stock splits in the past 2-3 years.  On April 12^th, 2012, Google closed at $650.  At the time of this writing, it’s almost down to $600.  It’s not going anywhere—they still have the market share and the numbers…and if they get into China….then you’rr rearry, rearry, make some profit-san!  (P.S. that’s not racist, as I once dated a Chinese girl).

Want to get at the money?  Make sure at least 15% of your current portfolio contains at least Apple or Google.

If you go back through my tweets (@CashBauer), you’ll see that I’ve been a HUGE proponent of Coinstar $CSTR.  On August 2, 2011 (when Coinstar sold for $45.26), I tweeted:

“Loving $CSTR Coinstar- people can’t afford to go to the movies so why not Red Box it?! It’s only a buck!! (but those add up like crazy)”

I stand by Coinstar.  America will always rent movies, no matter the form they’re in.  If we’re in good times, we go to the theaters.  If we’re not in good times, we have alternatives.  Netflix $NFLX lead the initial charge, but through a calamity of errors with their CEO, they lost their gusto.  When people abandoned the Netflix ship, they sought other choices:  Time Warner $TWX, Redbox (i.e. Coinstar $CSTR), or streaming through Amazon $AMZN.  Each time I went to grab a snack at a 7-11 or a prescription at Walgreen’s $WAG, I saw a LINE of people at the Redbox.  Who wouldn’t want to rent a movie at a 66% discount of what the failed Blockbuster $BBI had offered?!

When Coinstar raised their prices 20%, they did it correctly:  they sent out emails and notices, and even offered coupons for the first few months to maintain their relationship with the customer.  They made the equation simple:  paying $1.20 for a movie (over $1) was still a shit-ton cheaper than what we had all paid at Blockbuster, Hollywood Video, and other box stores.  We were still SAVING CASH for the same entertainment!

Anyways, mid-day on Thursday April 12^th, I looked through my portfolios and noticed that amidst a green Dow and green NASDAQ (which would end up at +181.19 and +39.09 respectively), Coinstar was one of the only stocks in the red.  Coinstar isn’t one of my normal ‘oppostocks’ (when the market surges in one direction, an oppostock goes differently, see Supermedia $SPMD), and I went over some numbers and tweeted to all of you Cash-ists that it was time to buy.  I loaded up right at 1:30pm at $61.26, after I tweeted in anticipation of Coinstar’s earnings .  The earnings came through, and BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE, Coinstar is officially up $8.48 (13.83%) to $69.79 in after hours.

Let’s play a hypothetical game.  Suppose you had listened to me.  Suppose you had some cash on hand and wanted to invest it.  Here would be your TWELVE HOUR EARNINGS once the opening bell sounds in the A.M.:

$1,000 investment:  $138.30
$10,000 investment:  $1,383.00
$100,000 investment (what I put in):  $13,830.00

So in a matter of 24 hours, I made what a hard-working McDonald’s ($MCD) employee makes in a YEAR.

Have I sold you yet?  Do you understand my strategy?  As traders, we have to look at the charts and also OUTSIDE OF THE CHARTS!  Do you see how I can get you to get AT THE MONEY?!  I’m not always 100% correct, but I guarantee I have a better standing than the Powerball, no matter the jackpot (you played the Powerball on that last jackpot, I know it).  Think.  Listen.  Read my blog.  Get at the money.

My Coinstar earnings just paid for me to head to Dubai for the weekend.  See you Monday!

BONUS TIP:  Just in case you hadn’t read, Google $GOOG is about to be like my 3^rd wife…it’s time for a split.  I’ll see you at the money!